Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
