I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
