I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
