She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
