My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
