Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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