Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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