Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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