Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
