how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
