ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
