why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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