If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
