Me. At least after what I've been through.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
