and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
