They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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