Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
