yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
