Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
