She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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