i just wanna soil my oats bro
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
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a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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