I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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