I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
