So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize