My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
