guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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