Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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