all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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