Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
