I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
