I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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