trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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