I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
