This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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