i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
and you fell through a lawn chair
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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