i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
