There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
