and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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