i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
