he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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