I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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