Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i came on her dog
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
