Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
