i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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