I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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