I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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