that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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