Non-Jews are for practice
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
