Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
