Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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