I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
