I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
