This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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