Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
