Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
