just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
