it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
