sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
