yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
