When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
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while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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