Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
