break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.