ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize