how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.