Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex