Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.