you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
