Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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