Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
