I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
